Strap-On Nation

....A feminine reflection on penetrating the male.
by Jezebel

I love fucking Cane in the ass. I absolutely go wild. There is one fundamental aspect of sex that is ALWAYS essential for me to really enjoy it. I want to feel owned ... to feel dominated ... out of control. Probably why I really get off on doggy style; something about the position suggests being powerless. You are being used and dominated by a cock. I love the weight of the man on top ... the idea that I can't free myself ... the fact that I can't control the pace. Want to see me really lose it in bed? Take the control away from me.

or ...

Give it all to me and abandon the wheel. The pleasure of plowing into Cane has been insanely hot; he moans like an owned man... completely at my mercy. Those moments where he gasps are like heroin to me. addictive. I can go fast ... or slow ... it's all up to me. I love it when he catches his breath and I realize that a thrust has given him some incredible sensation. I am theoretically inside of him ... and that is unbelievably hot, too. He whimpers. He sighs. He is all mine.

I love dominating him. I even enjoy those moments he begs me to be more gentle (though I want to note here to female readers that it is ESSENTIAL to heed this request) because it confirms that I am indeed in control. And the possessive side of me wants to own every inch of this man ... even what is inside.

You know what is amazing? When you fuck a man just right in the ass, he will turn around and fuck you so hard you think you've won the lottery. I think next time I should make him suck “my cock”. Let him feel what it's like to choke on a member. I have a feeling he'll love it as much as i do.

Now Cane already gave a very nice male perspective on approaching anal ... but I think it might benefit some of you out there to get the feminine perspective.

Cane and I have definitely found that this blog is helping to motivate us to be more honest about sex--what we like, what we want, and yes ... those things that typically are hard to express. You know what I'm talking about ... most of us have a few desires that fill us with shame. Even if we know better. Even if we possess the most amazing partner in the universe who loves us and adores us regardless. Certain things are just so damn difficult to be open about.

But Cane is willing to try and be open--to have a conversation even about the most terrifying of subjects (for a male) ... taking it up the ass. Cane will be the first to tell you, it wasn't an easy conversation for him to have. Sure ... over the years he's hinted at being interested. He's occasionally (in a hot and heavy moment) conveyed his desire. He even bravely broached his bisexuality (gently saying he thought he was a tiny bit so). But when it came down to really making strap-ons and anal a regular part of our sex life HE was the one that always seemed reluctant.

Here's the deal: Googling other blogs and checking out the popular male voice on the subject, it's obvious: Most men in heterosexual relationships are terrified of anal on some level. Even if they have the guts to let you do it a few times, even if they really REALLY enjoy it ... there is this self-imposed stigma that permeates the world. "She'll think less of me. I'll be less of a man in her eyes" or "She's going to worry I'm gay" or even "What if it freaks her out if I love it too much?" The anus is a very vulnerable spot for all of us, and truth be told it's easy to overanalyze the consequences of using the back door. I don't blame men. I believe this issue for them can take them emotionally down the same rabbit hole that some women go down when they agonize over "will he think I'm a slut if I sleep with him right away?" There is the idea that you'll do some sort of damage that can't be fixed. That you'll be forever changed in your partner's eyes. And likely you will ... but that isn't a bad thing as long as you communicate the entire time. Talking about it can bring you closer. I swear.

You see, Cane and I discussed this recently. I knew he loved it. I knew he wanted it. But I couldn't quite comprehend why it doesn't happen much. I can count on one hand the number of times I've had his ass--and we've been together 2 years. The reluctance confused me. Typical female, I actually felt a little rejected. Way to go Jez, why don't you make it about yourself. What men have to remember is that just because it's YOUR ASS being discussed doesn't mean that your girlfriend or wife isn't being affected by the situation. If you've indicated any level of interest, but then not gone there, then she may very well be convinced that your reluctance is because of her ... for all sorts of reasons.

We talked about it. He was beautifully honest. He expressed his concerns, reservations--and they all made sense. I'm a loving partner. Very supportive. But we all have internal dialogues with ourselves that aren't always easy to silence. He was dealing with his own.

I don't need to regale you with details on our own personal conversation about the subject. The truth is that I love him unconditionally and I want to meet his needs and desires. He had to make me understand that his issues were independent of me. More or less, I want to address those (men) of you out there and set the record straight. There are a lot of you who struggle in this area and I think it's unfair. So here are several things you need to know from the female perspective:

1. Enjoying anal sex (meaning YOU taking it in the ass) should not make a woman question your heterosexuality. Gay men want to be fucked by other men. Not just have a dildo in their ass. Applying that logic, you (as a straight male) are not gay--your arousal is due to having a woman on the other end, donning a strap-on and owning you. Having something in your ass is not an indicator of sexuality. Relax. Would you call a woman a lesbian because she wants oral? Does a dildo in a woman mean she’s cheating on you? Of course not, silly.

2. Poo happens. Cane covered this effectively--but I just want to reiterate from the female side that we, too, have to be forgiving and understanding of what might happen when we use the exit for entry.

3. A real man is the man who knows how to talk about what he is feeling. This means if he wants to feel a cock in his ass he is capable of saying "Hey honey, how about railing me with your strap-on?" A real man is comfortable in his own skin and unafraid of what his penchants suggest about him. He KNOWS who he is. He'll tell you and he'll happily explain his various tastes and interests to you (his partner). He won't get angry or insecure ... well, okay let's just admit there is a learning curve here and say that if he starts to, he'll apologize and try to be more open later. It takes practice, but we all are capable. Your partner's feelings matter. They should be somewhat open to what you are wanting, but you have to be prepared for their own emotions. Be as honest as you can in answering questions. Don't retreat into silence or shyness when you feel exposed by their probing. Your partner wants to understand you. This can bring you even closer if you lay all your cards on the table. If you refuse to be totally open, you will risk damaging the relationship--because women are guilty of reading into things and making the wrong assumptions. Truth and candidness are the best ways to combat misunderstanding.

We all get a little insecure from time to time. And it makes sense that it can happen to any of us. Society dictates so many ideas about male/female roles and often makes us feel conflicted in admitting what we want.

The key is to not let your insecurity bend you over and have it's way with you ... the key is to leave that to your partner.

(***note: unfortunately, the photos in this entry are not us. But do not fret, Secretive Slut strap-on pics are in the works!)