Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Getting Honest & Getting Dirty ...

I like it rough.

I like it gentle, soft & romantic, too, but I really love it rough on occasion. There was a night that Cane was so rough and so forceful that I'm sure my screams woke the neighbors. They were purely screams of pleasure, but screams nonetheless.

I love having my hair pulled. I love being forced into a position of his choosing. I love it when he forces himself into me without taking any time to get me ready. I love being smacked & spanked. Feeling my underwear nearly being ripped off my body. I love seeing faint hand-marks where his hands have gripped me and held me down.

This particularly epic rough night lives in my mind as such an intense and awesome experience. But I noticed something (both endearing and concerning) ... Cane routinely felt the need to stop himself and apologize. Every few minutes, after calling me a "whore" or a "fucking slut" and accusing me of enjoying my defiling, he would hesitate and sweetly go "Not really! I love you!" It made me laugh but also reminded me how important it is that we women communicate our desire to be rough, our interest in being treated dirty in the sack and also how integral it is that we make sure we give permission to our men that spells out their freedom to just trash our ass when the time is appropriate.

Growing up a church girl, I was taught to avoid conversation about sex. I was taught that it's embarrassing and shameful. I have escaped a lot of this mentality, but the tendency to shrink from expounding heavily on my own sexual inclinations is there. I find it easy to say "I love it rough" but do I provide details? No. Do I define what "rough" is for me? Do I explain what is enjoyable? Nope. And by refraining from expounding, I cause my very sensitive and loving partner to hesitate to be free even as he honors what I've requested. Kind of an unfair predicament. Not to mention that because I'm a good girl by day, conduct myself with integrity and essentially value virtue in other areas of my life ... Cane has at times admitted that he sees me more like a saint than a personal whore. It's nice to be revered, but it's also nice to get fucked hard. The burden of responsibility is on us (especially women) to make sure our partner feels that they can both love & respect us outside the bedroom while treating us like dirty little sluts behind closed doors. The future mother of your children still wants to be your dirty little secret. I swear.

I'm not a mind reader, and the likelihood is that you aren't, either. A lot of times we THINK we've made the right noises to indicate appreciation of an act ... or we think it's enough to have not said anything negative--we try to indirectly indicate our interest in something. It's not the best way to get our point across when it comes to sex. So ... I'm starting a movement. I challenge every single one of you out there who has a partner, husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend--to make a hit list. Write down a top list of your favorite dirty deeds & acts your partner commits on you. Articulate not only the general idea of what you like when it comes to more adventurous bedroom antics--but exactly what you want, how intense, etc. Give yourself license to be detailed. Make sure there isn't a question mark in your sexual partner's head when it comes to what you are wanting and hoping to enjoy. Guessing is for pussies (and not the fun kind). You will likely hear your partner go "Really?! I wasn't sure if you liked it or were just doing it for me!"

My own hit list:
*I love it when Cane is rough. I love hair pulling, light choking, being held down, arms pinned, forbidden to free myself. I love being forced to suck his cock ... to the point that he is practically face fucking me.
*I love dirty talk. I love it when he calls me names. I love it when he tells me the evil things he wants to do. I love it when he talk about his fantasies while inside me. I love saying dirty things back and admitting how much I want him to violate me.
*I love a moderate amount of discomfort. I don't want to be in pain ... but I love it when he takes a little liberty. Shoving his cock into me when I'm not fully wet yet. The one time he took my ass (unexpectedly) while we were in the shower. I loved the way he pushed me against the wall and just took what he wanted.
*I have never felt so insanely turned on as I did when he came in my mouth and proceeded to kiss me and take some of his own cum back into his own. I LOVED it.

I've told him these things in a broader strokes. But have I said to him "It was awesome when you forced yourself into my ass!" No. Have I made sure he knows how turned on I get when he calls me a fucking slut? Did I tell him that it was amazing to see how turned on he was as he fucked my mouth and made me gag and my eyes water? Not fully. So I can imagine he may have thought I did it only for him. He may have seen it as a kindness ... not a personal turn on.
We have to say these things bluntly and fully. If we have partners who care about us, they aren't going to enjoy things that they think they are forcing onto us. Cane fantasizes about me fucking another man. But he would never enjoy that reality if he thought I wasn't enjoying myself. Why would he enjoy rougher sex acts with me if he thinks I'm just doing it to make him happy?

I challenge those more shy readers out there to give your partners a list and get bold in describing what you enjoy and like. No more just "hoping" that your husband figures out what you want ... or hoping they pick up on a drift or two. Direct communication is hot. And it means you both are more likely to get what you want. Trust me. And it's not enough to just give your sexual partners the license to perform certain acts on you or with you. You have to give them the confidence and security that you are not only a willing participant, but an enthusiastic recipient.

Monday, June 21, 2010

"Fantasy" means never having to say you're sorry

by Cane

I will simply begin with the following: It has been a long and deep-seated fantasy of mine to see Jez be completely taken by another man, both when I am present and watching and/or participating... as well as when I am not present at all.

This is
my fantasy. I cannot, morso will not make any apologies for it. I can’t apologize, because it would be like apologizing for the fact that I like mint chocolate-chip ice cream. Or the color blue. Or Jersey Shore. And before you start, YES, it absolutely is the same thing. As far as our personal proclivities, penchants, preferences, predilections, predispositions, partialities, prejudices, and passions go for YOU the individual... you can never, ever make any apologies for what you like and are drawn to, simply because it’s innate. You like what you like and there really doesn’t need-- and a lot of times can’t -- be a deeper explanation.

Sure, I can give cursory reasons: I like the defilement of what ‘should’ be sacred, the humiliation (of possibly him pleasuring her more/better at a psychical level), the sullying of conservatism. I also like the sheer mechanics; the voyeurism-- being right down there watching someone else’s cock pass in and out
my Jez’s pussy. I like the idea of Jez-- a traditional, otherwise vanilla girl-- being taken by 2 men at once, fucked and filled simultaneously... the innocent Southern Baptist preacher’s daughter stuffed with two dicks!... polar-opposite of everything she had been raised to be or believe in! I also just like the simple idea of Jez getting to be multiply stimulated by adding another guy in the mix; I want her to feel what that’s like. And I also just like the idea of the lifestyle-- leading alternative sex-lives and practices outside of (american) tradition.

But none of these reasons explains the deeper WHY; you can only follow the thread of, “But why... but why... but why...” until finally the only sensible answer is left is: “.... god damnit, because I just do...”. And don’t try any arm-chair pop-psychology; this has nothing to do with my childhood, how I was raised, what experiences in my life shaped and set the path for me to come to this fantasy. Sure, maybe there’s a few things in the mix, but at the end of the day, I just like the idea of another man fucking Jez and/or a MMF threesome. And I’m not sorry.

This goes for anyone, anywhere, any time, who has had a fantasy outside of
“I want to put my penis in your vagina”. Wanna be fucked dressed up like a clown? Wanna be spanked&whipped? Wanna be gang-banged by four black cocks at once? Wanna put on your wife’s bra and panties and have her fuck you with strap-on? Wanna be a furry? Wanna be raped? Wanna (if you’re a guy) see what another man’s cock tastes like? Want your ass-licked? Wanna be fisted? Wanna be choked, slapped, hit, and told you’re a whore? Wanna spouse-swap? Wanna fuck in front of a room full of strangers? Wanna seduce your best-friend with your husband? Wanna broadcast your vagina on the internet? Wanna fuck with the shades open? Wanna sit under a glass table and watch your partner poop?.....

...ok, that last one is just gross (like, seriously people, really?).... but fuck,
if that’s what you like, if ANY of those things and countless others vanilla or non-vanilla sexual acts is just “what you’re into”, you cannot, should not, and most importantly DO NOT have to say you’re sorry, because fantasying-- in essence, thinking-- is not a crime, sin, nor wrong. Don’t forget, we’re talking about FANTASY for the moment, not wanting to act on that fantasy (that will come in a second).

A running theme with this blog is ‘open, honest, and full communication’ between Jez and myself. Now, I’m not here to tell others how to conduct their own personal relationships with their partners.... but it’s pretty hard to find faults in “open and honest”. I can pretty confidentially say sharing your fantasies with your partner, no matter what it is, SHOULD alleviate a lot of repression and open up a dialogue where you can have a healthy discussion about your fantasy and whether or not it is something that your partner would like to help you fulfill. And if not, you can both work together to find/seek alternative means and ways of satisfying your fantasy... and even just talking about it is enough. But you can never have that discussion until you open up to your partner... and your partner be open to you.

As the partner hearing the fantasy, short of
“My fantasy is to shoot you in the head with a gun in order to kill you”, it is very important and fair for you to allow your partner to speak their fantasy fully and honestly, and hear them out completely. Create a reassuring atmosphere where they feel safe from snap-judgement, criticism, and most importantly... rejection. It takes courage to broach a fantasy and that needs to be respected. You screwing-up your face and saying, “Jesus Christ, how could you want that!” is only going to cause your partner to retract and hinder any future sexual communication with you, perhaps indefinitely... and that’s almost surely going to lead to problems. Rejecting your partner’s fantasy outright and refusing or being reluctant to an open dialogue about it, sooner or later, will result in your partner seeking to fulfill that fantasy elsewhere. How will they do that? Dunno. Does that mean they’re going to cheat on you? Dunno. Will they resent you? Dunno. But I can say, at some level, they are going to feel ashamed... and why would you want to make your partner ever feel that way?

Your partner’s fantasy may actually hurt you emotionally-- which, if that’s the case, will probably be your snap-reaction. I understand that and you have a right to be hurt, but this is where a continued open/ongoing discussion of the fantasy may help educate you and begin to understand your partner’s desires to a point you will be less hurt, if not alleviated completely. Just remember, you cannot
blame them just for simply having the fantasy, no matter what it is.

However, while the person with the fantasy should not feel they must justify or explain what simply may just be apart of their sexuality.... as the one with the fantasy, refusing to try to help your partner understand, at least the cursory reasons, isn’t going to help much in the department of communication, either. It’s a delicate dance, where both partners have to work together in order to move forward as one (oooh, nice analogy!). So, if you really have a desire to put a chomp-bit in your partner’s mouth and ride them around like a horse... maybe start with why Equus (*not sure what that play is really called) appeals to you so much, at least on the surface.

Now, just as you are entitled to have a fantasy about absolutely anything and be free of shame and rejection.... your partner is entitled NOT to share an interest in that fantasy, nor should ever be made to feel obligated, guilted, or forced into allowing or performing the realization of your fantasy-- this needs to be met with acceptance from your end, without shame or rejection as well. And don’t you dare pull that, “
If you love me, you’ll do this for me” bullshit. Seriously dude, that’s fucking weak.

However, just because you may not share an interest, want, or desire in your partner’s fantasy doesn’t mean their fantasy is going to suddenly “go away” in their mind. This is where open communication between y’all is especially paramount. Setting up or creating an alternative outlet for their fantasy is something I strongly recommend. However, if you absolutely cannot bring yourself to abide their fantasy whatsoever, in any facet, alternative or otherwise... than
the very least you need to say is some form of the following:

“Honey, I love you very much and I’m so grateful you were able to feel comfortable enough to share your fantasy about watching me poop on a glass table. I know it took a lot for you to share this with me and again, I love you for that. But, I don’t feel this is something I can give to you or share with you in any way, at least in the near future. I want you to continue to have your fantasy and I want to continue to be here to love and support you. But for right now, we have to leave it at that.”

Now, chances are, whatever your partner’s fantasy is, you’re either going to be down with it, willing to try/experiment, or at least be able to work together to come up with an alternative that will simulate or come close enough for your partner to be satisfied, while respecting your right to not be obligated to perform said fantasy to the absolute ‘T’. In any event, you need to be 100% supportive and open to at first
listening to your partner’s fantasy, regardless of what it is. Unless it’s having sex with children. Then call the cops. Joking, but it would be wise to encourage them to seek professional counseling. Wow, this just got all dark and serious.

As far as my cuckold/hotwife/MMF threesome fantasy with Jez... I couldn’t have a more perfect, loving, and accepting partner. My fantasy was broached almost within the first month we even KNEW each other. While we’ve lead arguably mostly vanilla, yet completely satisfying sex lives, this fantasy of mine has always been underlying throughout; and while Jez has admitted she had at first been hurt by the fact I’d want to share her, never once did she make me feel faulted for having the fantasy; I can never say she made it something I’ve had to repress, nor had it been something Jez refused to hear-out. Per prior entires, you can track our transparent, open, honest, and educational discussions about it, as well as whether or not we’re actually going to take it to the next level. The fantasy so far has evolved into red-hot IM sessions, dirty talk in bed, and even experimenting
via simulations.

So, ARE we actually going to do it? That’s still to be determined...but what I can say for certain is that I already have had one fantasy come true... and she’s better than I ever could’ve dreamed.

PS: If you don’t get the
cinematic nod in the title of this entry, then you are entirely too young and we despise your youth!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Did We or Didn't We?

So most of you probably saw our teaser photo a few entries ago. And you are likely wondering if we fulfilled Cane's MFM threesome fantasy.

The answer is "no" we have not. Cane + Jezebel + a mirror = Artsy sexy photograph. We kind of impressed ourselves and enjoyed the visual actualization of a fantasy.

Mirror, mirror...

We're exploring our interests, desires and sexual goals. This blog is part of that process. But before anyone goes and does anything on the extreme side (which for us would include bringing other people into the bedroom), it's important to really communicate. I will sing this song over and over on this blog until you think I'm an annoying nag. Communicate. Communicate. COMMUNICATE!

If you think talking about something makes it less sexy and exciting ... well, you're an idiot. Cane and I have had some of our best sex after getting wildly turned on by our own conversations about fantasies and interests. It's hot. And feeling accepted and understood by your partner is a turn on, too. Jumping into something without really understanding one another's feelings is foolhardy. What is that old adage about making assumptions? Oh yes ... never assume. It makes an "ass out of u and me." Ha. Ok, bad joke ... but true nonetheless. Without really talking things through, you are leaving your partner open to assumptions--which we all are prone to make--about the whys, the how comes. You want to see another man bang your girlfriend? Tell her. But also explain where that interest comes from. She may be a willing sex kitten in your hands, but if she loves you she will also have an emotional side that still demands to feel secure and loved. We are human no matter how horny we are--we cannot eradicate our ability to feel and fear and need. There are a lot of reasons why one might want another partner in the bedroom. You need to talk about your reasons so that your partner can feel secure and know that you are on the same page in terms of what is derived from the experience, as well as what it means for the relationship.

Back to the subject of me and another man in the bedroom ...

My own arousal and climaxes are very intrinsically tied to the level of arousal of my partner. Nothing sends me slamming into orgasm harder than hearing Cane let out an electric groan or realizing that he's gone into "wild man" mode (wild man mode being when a guy is so violently turned on that he can no longer demonstrate any restraint). Witnessing heightened levels of arousal is like crack to me. I get this bizarre sort of chill mixed with skipped heartbeats. There are orgasms I have on my own ... and those that are greatly impacted by the intensity of my partner's reaction to what we are doing. One is good, but the other is far better. My sexual satisfaction hinges on my partner's enjoyment. I'm just not one of those girls who can enjoy just "getting hers." I have envied this at times. But driving someone wild is always far more exciting to me. Always will be.

So I guess it shouldn't be surprising that this works its way into my fantasy life.

When Cane first admitted his ultimate fantasy was to see me fucked hard by another guy I was a mixture of repulsed, shocked and just plain offended. Before you presume that I reacted to Cane in judgement, be assured that I wanted to him to be honest and I was grateful for his disclosure. The secretive slut is all about candid communication. But the girly part of me--the part that is deeply in love with Cane and craves intimacy was left feeling a bit insecure momentarily. The natural torrent of internal questions came raining down inside my head ... "If he loves me, why would he want to share me?" ... "I don't understand why he doesn't feel jealousy--does he not value me?" ... "It would devastate me to just sit and watch him fuck another woman--why on earth would he ENJOY watching me fuck someone else?" My own understandable insecurities began to bubble. Because it's so foreign to what I find a turn on, I was having a hard time understanding where the arousing factor came in for him. Cane will explain this in his own entry.

I asked questions for a week or so. Cane admitted he likes to fantasize that while he's at work I'm home having sex with someone else in our bed. Once again, that fantasy--if we reversed roles--would only make me ill and want to weep. I kept asking him "Really? So if you came home and found me having sex with a stranger ... you would like it?" He maintained he would. "But isn't it something that appeals to you in THEORY ... but if you actually found it happening ... wouldn't you be horrified?" Nope. My own brain just couldn't shake the phobia that any such action would terminate the relationship.

It's like my brain is a computer. This message does not register. I'm not an easily threatened girl. Or the jealous sort. But I do think it's pretty normal on a basic human level to be possessive of your partner when it comes to bedroom practices. I'm possessive of Cane. I don't share my toys. My struggle became grasping how he could bear to have some other cock ramming in and out of me ... cumming on what is his. And furthermore, I honestly have never once longed to fuck anyone else since Cane came into my life. So part of my quandary can even be identified as ME not having any desire to be with another man. A romantic part of my nature railed against the very thought. I've always loved the idea of being someone's one and only.

But loving someone else means loving who they are. It means caring about their feelings. And turn-ons aren't something we necessarily choose for ourselves. They are what they are. Some shouldn't be indulged (hello pedophilia) but in the end, the things that arouse us do it with or without our consent. Because I love Cane, I've been determined to accept and understand his fantasy.

So imagine my surprise as I've found that when touching myself lately my mind instantly goes to a scenario Cane has described. Me, on all fours on our bed. Some strange man drilling me without mercy. And Cane sitting quietly in a corner just watching ... a witness and nothing more. And imagine my utter shock at how violently I've been turned on by it. Knowing he's so furiously turned on ... seeing another man take what is his ... him allowing it. My orgasm happens in seconds. His imaginary reaction spurs the most intense reaction of my own.

I get off on his reaction. I get off on the idea that I've subjected myself to something I didn't want, but that pleases my partner (it's so very 'Story of O'). I get off on being a whore for the pleasure of Cane.

And with that his fantasy slowly bleeds into my own. Where is this ultimately leading to? I guess we'll all have to wait and see.

Cane x's 2...

Saturday, June 5, 2010

The Great Bush Debate

No. I'm not talking politics here. I'm talking about pubes. And if you don't think this topic is controversial ... then you're crazy.

Case in point, one particular blog reader felt it necessary to demand that when we return to blogging, we return au natural. I was informed that lack of hair is pre-pubescent ... childlike ... and from what I could infer, not attractive. Pardon?

The interesting thing to note here is that I actually DO typically have hair "down there." Cane likes hair. He also feels it's more womanly. Most men I've dated have EXPECTED a fully waxed or shaved nether region, so when Cane and I first met I was bare as could be. I was quite relieved to find myself with someone who appreciates what is naturally happening down there ... that's both less work and less shaving/waxing rashes for my sorely sensitive skin.

Now both Cane and I agree that we prefer a trimmed and well-groomed topiary. So mine is not a bush that is left to grow wild. This is OUR preference. We find it appealing ... and are not judging anyone out there for their preferences of "bald as an Eagle" or "hairier than a hippy orgy." You can do whatever you want with your own vagina. Dread it, braid it, curl it, put a weave in it. That's for you to decide. But you aren't included in the vote on how I groom mine.

My pubic hair is rather blond. It doesn't read on camera as intensely as a natural brunette's would. Some of the images on our blog were taken when I got a little too razor happy ... and therefore lack hair. Some of the images have plenty of hair, but you just can't see it. And every now and then I decide to switch things up and shave a lot off. That's my prerogative. Sometimes you feel like wearing heels ... some days you want sneakers. Girls like to try new things. Sue me.

Variety is the spice of life ... and I suppose that's the case, too, when it comes to pubic hair. So hats off to you ladies ... groom your garden any way you like. Let it grow natural, trim it, shave it, wax it ... hell, you can even dye or "Veejazzle" it. As long as you feel good about it, that is what counts. Oh, and it never hurts to consider what your partner finds appealing. Cane never demanded hair down there ... but I was happy to provide it for him.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Season 2: The Secretive Slut

Hello darlings ...

Yes, we've been away for a bit. We're both in the midst of attempting to conquer some career goals and dreams ... and that requires focus without distraction. Sex didn't disappear for us, rather, we just couldn't be squarely focused on it or writing extensively about it. I hope you'll forgive us. As we've confessed before, we are snobs when it comes to what we write and photograph. If it isn't up to par we aren't going to post it. Do it right or don't do it at all. And creating great content is time consuming. Therefore, we've maintained radio silence and taken an appropriate blog sabbatical.

I despise the aging process ... and the way it can relegate sex to the "I want it, but I'm too tired" category. What is that about? Cane and I have both fallen into bed a number of times recently in states of desire overwhelmed by fatigue. One particular night had us laughing. He tried to pull a slick move and said "Why don't you crawl on top of me" ... only for me (panicking in my exhaustion) to plead "But I'm too tired to be on top!" He quickly confessed, "Me too!" And then we had to laugh at ourselves. We both want to fuck. We both are too tired to do the work. Lame.

The blog helps us fuel our thoughts during the day ... to keep a little warm ember of arousal going so that bedtime doesn't come and go without anything happening. Got to love that. I think returning to the blog may help us pick our momentum back up. Cheers to that.

Another recent revelation ... I discovered my favorite way to give Cane a blow job. I don't know what took me so long to approach it this way. Laying on my back, I have him straddle my face. From this vantage point, I can lick and suck everywhere ... EVERYTHING. I can use both hands to caress his ass, his legs, his back ... his balls. I can take my tongue from his cock all the way to his tender little asshole. I love feeling him quiver ... hearing him moan ... burying my face in him ... taking his shaft into the back of my throat. It turns me on so violently that I get almost TOO wet.

I highly recommend it. I imagine Cane does, too.

Oh, and Cane also has a snazzy new camera. He's going to be photographing up a storm for you darlings ... as well as making some delicious little films. Yay. It's good to be back.