Getting Comfortable With Fantasies

I find it fascinating to hear people talk about relationships ... and how love fades and excitement wanes. "You have to keep working at it" is advice frequently tossed around, and though I see the value in the lesson, I find the delivery outright depressing. Ever since I first realized I was in love with Cain, I couldn't imagine not being giddy about him. Familiarity hasn't brought boredom ... instead it's brought greater security and confidence in US. There isn't a single thing I'm afraid to talk to him about, suggest or confess. If butterflies flee in wake of such bonding and closeness ... well, I can live without the butterflies. I don't think I could live without the level I've achieved with Cain--or the safety I feel in being my complete self.

Yeah, yeah, yeah ... I'm probably boring half of you and annoying the crap out of the rest. Love is great, love is grand ... blah, blah, blah. I'm annoying myself. But I have a point to make here.

On a recent excursion to the a "toy" store, I was amused that my very forthright Cane got shy and embarrassed when I would walk over to him with a dildo in my hands. I didn't think twice about it. I am secure with him and I know he's secure with me. I just forgot that his security is WITH ME and not with the rest of the world. He wasn't so keen on a bunch of strangers witnessing our assessment of potential purchases (especially when I was asking "do you think you'd enjoy this in your ass?"). He completely weirded out and I felt badly about it. I started to feel a little rejected ... that is, until I thought about the fact that I am blessed with his confidence and willingness to share such a private side of himself with me. I appreciate that. I'm grateful for it. And I doubt I'd be so cocky (pun intended) about juggling dildos in a sex shop if the man I adore and feel so secure with wasn't with me.

I think this is why I find my comfort with certain fantasies has increased with time. You know what I mean ... there are those things that turn us on in our heads ... and then there are the things we actually are willing to talk about or do in real life. I think its a sad (but true) reality in this world that many couples are most terrified of sharing their fantasies and desire with each other. Many women are scared to death of coming off like a "slut" to their men ... and many men are terrified of weirding out their ladies, or even more scared of revealing things that might make them "seem gay." It's rather tragic that people wind up hiding so much of themselves from the ones they should be the most comfortable with ... and this is why I find myself grateful for the openness I have with Cain.

He can talk about sharing me with another guy ... or watching me with another guy ... and it doesn't make me afraid he doesn't love me. It doesn't make me question his commitment. I'm not afraid he's gay because he gets rip-roaring hard at the idea of a threesome with another guy. I get turned on watching him get turned on. These fantasies have merged with mine in such a way that I feel ownership of them. Last weeks' video had me soaking wet. I kept thinking the entire time about how hot it would be to give Cain what he wants ... and to be right there with him.

So, this girl is an advocate of relationships that have grown and become stable and butterfly free. You might love the excitement of new love ... but I prefer the kind you can look right in the eye and ask, "Can I stick this in your ass?" That's real love right there and it's a happiness no money will ever be able to buy.