Monday, January 25, 2010

Penetration Nation

by Cane

I like to get fucked in the ass. I’ve had fingers, tongues, plugs, dildos, and cocks inside me, and I keep putting things up there because it feels fucking good, people. Your anus is rich in nerve endings (for both guys and gals), and of course there is the far under-estimated, under-used
male prostate. You jealous of your lady’s clitoris and how touch-sensitive it is? Have her stroke your prostate and you will get a window into her world.

Some ignorant, homophobic men will shun the idea of anything coming near their hole, decreeing,
“I ain’t gay!”.... you’re fucking retarded, douchebag. Having your ass explored and penetrated is no more gay than you masturbating; essentially, you’re a guy giving a guy a handjob... only the dick happens to belong to you. Slipping a dildo in your ass, or having your lady fuck you with a strap-on is just as NOT gay... not even bisexual. You’re stimulating a part of your body that gives you pleasure, that’s all. Hell, I’ve had a dick in my ass and I do not consider myself gay, by the very definition of the word. That’s another article, though.

Keeping up on my reading in the realm of health and sexual eduction, I’m noticing more and more testimonies from couples and heterosexual men exploring and practicing anal stimulation and pleasure. And while it might be old-hat for some of you readers, I’d like to throw my two-cents in and maybe offer some helpful advice for those who are curious or are just starting out.

1) Communication. First thing you want to do, above all, is to communicate with your partner. A lot of your apprehension and insecurity might be from your fear of rejection and humiliation if you admit to your wife or girlfriend you want to explore anal-play. I can’t stress this enough: 99% of the time, your girl will be absolutely into it; it’s probably something she’s been wanting to do for a long time, but just as you, didn’t know how to broach the subject, afraid of rejection herself. Once that insecurity is dissolved, you may find your attitude and comfort-level suddenly sky-rocket. Sometimes just freely admitting out loud you want your ass pounded will be an albatross off your shoulders.

If your girl balks or is disgusted at your request, you’re dating a fucking bitch, dude... sorry. A good partner should be open and sensitive to things of such delicate nature, such as your sexual desires and what makes up your sexual identity. And while you cannot ever force anyone to like or do something they just are not comfortable with... if she’s making you feel terrible or humiliated about something that took a lot of courage to raise... then yeah, she’s a bitch... dump her ass. If she’s understanding about it, but still does not feel comfortable, this is where continuing to communicate and educate both yourselves on “the matters of the ass” thoroughly will come in, as well as discussing and entertaining alternatives.

Anyway, back to the butt: There is also something to be said of just going for it, for the first time, in the heat of the moment. If the thought of formerly talking openly to your lady about it is too hard, than maybe amidst parts being sucked and fucked, tongues and hands everywhere, take her hand and guide it toward your asshole; she’ll know immediately what you mean... this however prompts the problem of proper lubrication. Though I recommend lube be used for all ass-splunking excursions, sometimes if you’re relaxed enough and things are sweaty, a finger will slip right in. I really leave it up to the judgement of the individual, but don’t be surprised if you experience the notorious “dry shocker”.

If you ladies want to forgo a formal conversation and just want to see if your boyfriend or hubby might be into it, I would advice proceeding with caution if you’re doing it for the first time. In this instance, especially if the subject matter has never been brought up, you might get a shocked, then angry man if you just go for the gold unceremoniously. Instead, I’d send a scouting party to harken the arrival of your intended digit. When things are going hot and heavy, let your fingers drift downwards; stroke his cock, play with his balls, spend time putting pressure on his
perineum, then gently begin brushing his asshole. Do this for a little while, then maybe whisper in his ear, “Do you want me to touch inside of you?“ He may say yes, but if he says ‘no’, don’t be discouraged; he just might not be prepared (again, this is if you haven’t had a conversation preceding). After sex, or whatever you’re doing, maybe use this to bring up the subject... he might still be open to it, but just wanting to talk about it more and proceed with a ”plan“.

2) Rimming (see also, anilingus) While you may never want to go so far as to explore the depths (pun!) of your ass by means of penetration, I guarantee you will still be happily satisfied with just having your asshole flicked and licked by a tongue. This, of course, can be another baby-step to getting into heavier ass-play, but it is a perfectly enjoyable and erotic act in and of itself. As stated, your anus is covered in nerve endings... and rarely does it get to feel the hot, moist, texture-richness of a tongue. I absolutely LOVE it when Jez eats my ass out; she’ll attest she hears noises come from me she NEVER hears during normal sex or conventional foreplay. But like I said, rimming is not just for the men... ladies, you will experience the same thing if your guy gives your hole a tongue-bath.

Eating ass is like eating pussy: people have their discretions; communicate with your partner on placement, pressure, speed, amount of tongue used, etc. I recommend starting with light flicking, using just the tip, circling around the puckered ring of the hole... but that’s just for starters ;-)

(Above, Jez demonstrates her best ability)

As far as positions, roll up on your back, hike those knees up by your ears, and let her go at it, or squat/sit on her face, like I’m sure she’s done to you so many times. However, getting on all fours with your ass in the air and having your lady lick and eat you from behind is intensely erotic and submissive.

If you just can’t abide the idea of putting your tongue on an asshole, don’t count it out of your sex-lives completely. A feather brushed lightly over and against it will stimulate you or your partner as well.

(click 'read more' below and find out more about your man and his butt!)

*A note on safety: Yes, your ass is primarily an exit and there is dangerous bacteria in/around your hole. Therefore, I highly recommend the use of dental dams, in combination with cleansing yourself with soap and water before hand and engaging in rimming/anillingus shortly thereafter.

I also strongly recommend reading up on complete and accredited safety measures and health risks before engaging in said activity. We are NOT doctors, nor do we pose to impart ANY medical or health advice that is to be taken as sound or accurate. *
*The Secretive Slut is not responsible for anything that happens to you, ever.

Here is one article that may help you begin to understand the full health risks of rimming and anilingus. Please copy&paste into your browser window appropriately:–oral_sex

3) Penetration. Now we’re getting to the meat of it. When it comes to starting out, I can’t stress how important size really does matter: smaller and thinner is better! Your sphincter (ha-ha...’sphincter’!) is a muscle, and just like you can’t expect to touch your toes if you’ve never tried, you can’t expect to shove a huge silicone cock (or real cock) into your butt without it tearing something. And BELIEVE me, you don’t want that happening to your poor ass on the outset. Inexperienced people will often opt for the visually stimulating and impressive large cocks or plugs when shopping for toys to put in their butts. Yes, your ass can be trained to accept large things, but not when starting out god damnit! So, instead of trying to fit Tom Byron’s dick inside you from the get-go, please consider a smaller, thinner silicone dildo at first.
(Cane with glass plug)

ANYTHING that goes inside either of you (in any orifice) needs to be made of 100% silicone or glass (i think some types of polished metal are OK, too; do your research). Yes, they are more expensive, but lesser-quality rubber or jelly-based sex-toys contain harmful phthalates and other toxic chemicals that your lower-instestinal lining will absorb very quickly. So, read your fucking labels people, and spend the extra money! Also, make sure you learn how to thoroughly clean your toys immediately after use. I HIGHLY refer the Smitten Kitten, an online sex-shop with a mission statement to only sell safe, quality sex-toys (Hi Laura Rad!!!). (If you happen to live in the Minneapolis area, then you can make a pilgrimage to their store as well.)

Alright, enough of the lectures and disclaimers...
let’s get to fucking your man’s ass! First, relax, dude. This will be hard, because you’re nervous, even apprehensive... I understand, but you’re not going to get anything IN until you relax your mind and your body. Next, LUBE... lube, lube, lube, lube, lube. There’s a million brands touting they are the best: do your research, but you need it and plenty of it. Lube all around your asshole and even push a little inside of you; lube the dildo or plug in at least a full coat. Position the tip at the threshold of your ass and gently and slowly begin inserting. I can’t stress ”gently“ enough; maybe one day your woman will just be able to ram you right out of the gates... maybe you’ll even enjoy the pain that will come with it (maybe there won’t be any pain)... but again, this is for you beginners so you won’t go screaming to all Hell. Slow and steady wins the race.

As the dildo presses into your ass, your (relaxed) sphincter will begin to accept it. Don’t try to fit the entire length of it inside you at first; shallow thrusts and just letting it sit in your ass for awhile will all work towards your ass eventually being able to accommodate the entire thing, and it’s OK if this takes several sessions. The more frequent you do this, the more trained your ass will become to hosting things inside of it and pretty soon you’ll be taking it like a champ!
(Cane: as about as submissive as it gets!)

In pressing the dildo farther up your ass the tip will begin poking your prostate; how will you know? Dude, you’ll know. I don’t recommend just hammering away at it... but to each his own. Again, running theme with this whole article is: s-l-o-w-l-y discover what works and does not work for you.

For quick bullet points and further information on playin’ with your prostate,
see here for all kinds of tips and toys.

How you like to be fucked is completely up to you. I personally enjoy a 6 inch dildo, about 2 inches in girth,
slowly gliding in and out of my asshole at a consistent, steady pace. While this is happening, I’ll either jerk-off, Jez will tug or suck my cock, or in some instances I’ll fuck her as she fucks me with the dildo. I recommend missionary (or likened) position, while she reaches around and fucks your ass with a dildo.... and coordinating your thrusts simultaneously.... let’s just say, I hope you don’t have thin walls.

4) The Poo-Factor. Now for the ugly-side of anal-play, which applies to both guys and girls. If you go sky-diving, there will always be a chance your chute will not open. You accept this, because you enjoy the sport-- quite exhilarating, actually... yet you know you’re always going to be taking a risk. If my thinly-veiled metaphor eludes you, I’ll spell it out: if you’re going ass-diving, you better be prepared to see and/or smell some poopy. While not always the case... quite rare, in fact...hopefully you’re mature enough to NOT to freak-out and vocally convey your disgust. This will make the person who is receiving very embarrassed and possibly even ashamed.... and will make them self-concious and hesitant about future play. Don’t be a fucking baby.

It’s always a good idea to have a towel handy or to lay one down on the bed while you play; that way, if Mr. Brown comes ‘round, you can quickly and cleanly take care of the matter.
A few other quick tips for cleaner play:

4a) I always like to put a condom on [a] dildo; it’s extra lube, plus you can remove easily for speedier clean-up, though you should still thoroughly sanitize the toy, regardless.

4b) Divots, bums, and/or highly textured dildos are more likely to ”catch“ residue poo; the thrusting motion will cause those divots to scrape the inside of your lower colon, possibly bringing back some unexpected gifts. Smooth/streamlined dildos will perhaps yield less of what you don’t want... however, textures can feel very good inside of you. Really up to the individual.

4c) While I have zero proof or accredited study to back this up, I have had greater success if I do NOT engage in anal-play a couple hours after a hearty, fibrous meal. IMO, I’d ”evacuate“ your bowels, soap&shower, then have at it. Dunno, that’s just my theory.

4d) Then there’s people who like to fully cleanse/prep beforehand by anal-douching or getting a colonic. Colonics are pretty costly for just one session, but if you’ve got the money and the lack of shame, they’ll clean you out, ‘fo ‘sho. For those more modest, the home-solution is the aforementioned anal-douche, which kits are readily available at any drug-store, sex-shop, or online for you shy-folk. There are also a lot of people who get into erotic ”anal-douching play“ with their partners.... and...uh.... that’s so nice for them.

I won’t discount going to such lengths to cleanse yourself out to such an extent as in colonics or anal-douching.... but it’s not something I do regularly or consider a necessary preventive anti-poop measure, much less a ”guarantee“. However, if you are preparing for a scenario where
multiple girls with strap-on’s are just going to go to town on your ass all night... well, maybe I’d consider it ;-)

In summation, what does this article teach? Probably nothing you didn’t already know or have an inkling about. I just wanted you to hear it from someone ”real“, not some nameless, clinical article that you’ve
Googled. In my personal experience, having my ass touched, licked, fingered, probed, and fucked is extremely pleasurable; the stimulation of nerves on your anus, as well as the satisfying ”filling feeling“ of having a dildo (or likened) inside you, as well as the INTENSE pleasure of having your prostate massaged or prodded... it is all something you’re missing if you have not opened yourself up to ass-play. try it.

But above anything else, I’m here to say: anal stimulation, play, and penetration for a male is a normal, healthy desire and a normal, healthy practice. It doesn’t
mean you’re gay, it doesn’t make you gay, so don’t be so myopic as to write it off before you consider it or to be so ignorant to think that men who chose to engage in anal-play are homosexual. Homosexuality has absolutely nothing to do with what goes in your ass, rather everything to do with your feelings and desires towards members of the same sex. But I digress.....

(btw, I hope I didn’t come off anti-gay, just then. I love and respect all people, ever. Except the French.
Fucking French....)

Final words on your butt: Be smart, be patient, be safe, and it can be a great new area to explore for you both. Happy fucking (him)!!

(above, Cane ready for insertion)

Next up in my series of all-things-Ass: ‘Strap-On Nation’!

Stay frosty, gang!


  1. this post made me laugh a few times :)

    i've tried fingering edward's ass but i made the mistake of having semi-long nails :/

    and you're right, having something sliding in and out of you is insanely pleasurable. every touch or stoke feels that much more amazing when he fucks me in the ass.

    my next goal: get him to lick my ass ;)

  2. D--
    This is Cane. For Chrissssakes woman! Trim them nails!! Edward will appreciate this probably more than anything else you could ever do!

    Ha! Actually, I should've included that tid-bit in the article. So crucial, for both guys and girls.

    Let us know when he rims you! I swear by it!

  3. Awesome post Cane. I love it when BC rims my ass. Feels fucking incredible. She has also used her fingers and a butt plug at times. Can't wait for the strap-on post.

  4. Assplay and rimming is such an amazing experience! Any of you guys out there not trying it are really missing out! Nothing Gay about! Great post guys!

  5. i have acrylic nails so i can't really trim em myself but i will make sure my manicurist does next time i see him !

  6. I used to get fingered while fucking all the time. I also used to use dildos and plugs alot. I have also received strap on sex. Felt great! I miss those days! She's just not into it, and that sucks!

  7. Assplay and rimming is somethign I enjoy a lot. G is just starting to get into it but shen she does it drives me nuts. I think she enjoys it when I lick her ass as well. Great post glad to read it. Love the blog.