“First love is self love.” This may avert to some kind of deeper emotional conversation about one’s inner-self, but it ain’t what I’M talking about today. Yes, I’m talkin’ about masturbation!
When I was thirteen, my friend *Derek showed me how to jerk off. No, he didn’t touch me, rather one night, during a sleep-over in his basement, he threw back his sleeping bag to reveal himself completely in the nude... and sporting an healthy erection (he was big, even for 13). This would be the first time I had ever seen another naked human-being in the flesh. He then asked if I had ever jerked-off... I had no clue what that was or meant. I had gotten plenty of “conscious boners” going for about a year prior... which is to say, I was aware of the fact that when I thought about naked-ladies or snuck to check-out my dad’s Playboy stash, my cock would change, becoming hard and long, accompanied with an urge I couldn’t describe (nor dare admit to my parents). I had never touched myself before that night in Derek’s basement, and not for any other reason than I did not “know” that I could.
Derek told me to “take off my clothes and get a boner” (exact words); there was nothing devious or perverted about his instructions... this was (and remains) simple adolescent curiosity; the need to explore, experiment, and share with a fellow adolescent, exactly what you yourself were going through in the midst of puberty. Neither of our parents were forthcoming whatsoever when it came to sex, outside of the clinical birds and bees lecture I got around eleven years old... and we were left to discover the deviance of the human sexual condition on our own... a veritable Lewis & Clark in a newly discovered land of flesh and genitals.
click 'read more' and find out what happened the very first time I came in my life. You're also treated to a video of me and myself...
God, “genitals’ is a weird word.
Back in Derek’s basement, I was eager to shed my Jedi tshirt and Joe-Boxers, and soon, two boys were laying side-by-side, naked in the dark. Derek explained that ”jerking off” was when you took your hard dick in your hand, made a fist, and literally jerked it up and down (there was no talk of lotion, so to this day, I never use any). Derek then proceeded to show me exactly how to do it. I remember watching him jerk off, not in some kind of sexually blossoming fascination, rather very mechanical... I was closely observing, as if to understand how to tie a shoe-lace for the first time, knowing that what I was being shown was something very simple and basic, but would be a key function for the rest of my life.
I followed suit, taking my own cock in hand and going through the motions. Derek didn’t cum... neither did I. In fact, Derek never mentioned anything about cumming or that there is to be an apex to jerking off, as he probably didn’t know either. So, having learned the cornerstone to my fledgling sexuality, I proceeded to occasionally experiment with jerking off in private. None of my sessions had ever lasted that long, as my wrist and arm would grow tired or I’d simply get bored. I never thought to THINK of anything sexual while jerking off, I just did it because Derek had told me he does it.
I so vividly remember the day I came for the very first time. It was early in the evening; I was in bed, wearing a white Miami Hurricanes sweatshirt and nothing else. I had been laying in bed, idle and bored, and began playing with my dick. My cock soon became hard and I decide to “jerk-off”, as I was taught by Derek that’s what you do with a hard dick. I began rubbing and tugging; I don’t remember thinking of anything sexual, but I DO remember making the conscious choice to keeping going for as long as I could... to kind of see how long I can do it for. I remember doing it for a LONG time, which in reality was probably just five minutes or so, but then I remember thinking it was closer to an hour.
Then suddenly, almost out of now where, a sensation built inside my cock... not a slow-build or precursor... the pressure in my shaft suddenly went from zero to 60. It felt like I had to pee, and pee a lot! I remember thinking, “holy shit, I’m about to piss myself.” I SHOT up in my bed, boner crushed with two hands, like trying to stop a garden-hose by squeezing it as hard as you can... I sprinted to the bathroom and got over the open toilet just as cum erupted from my cock for the very first time in my life. I remember feeling a tiny amount of pleasure, but in my conscious mind, I still thought I was actually peeing. I watched the white, stringy pearls of cum shoot out of my tip like staggered shotgun blasts. I kept cumming... and it was getting everywhere: all over the toilet seat, the floor, my stomach and sweatshirt. I didn’t panic, I just tried to get everything under control. Only after I came did I realize it was NOT urine... I didn’t know what it was, but I somehow I knew it was supposed to happen this way.
After that, well fuck... you might as well have said it was open bar at an AA convention. I jacked, jerked, and tugged relentlessly thereafter... and it hasn’t really stopped. In all truth and reality, I must have jerked off every single day for at least fifteen years. I’m not kidding... it was a daily routine, just like brushing your teeth or drinking a glass of water. Despite girlfriends during and in between, my time with myself never suffered. It’s tapered off quite a bit over the last few years, as the stress of work and daily life as a struggling professional has rendered almost every minute precious and I’m always behind in a dozen different things.... and not to mention wonderful, dutiful Jezebel has been there to relieve me in other ways ;-)
We have recently taken to masturbating for each others’ viewing pleasure; it’s quite nice, both doing it for her and watch her do it for me. Sometimes, I do get the occasional jerk in for myself, but now I like having an audience more. Speaking of having an audience.... Jezebel filmed ‘lil ‘ol me and ma’self for your viewing pleasure......
(player not working or appearing? Click here for direct link)
And whatever happened to me and Derek? We spent the summer before our 8th grade year, continuing to hang out naked at night during sleepovers and talk about sex; or in a lot of cases, we’d talk about nothing sexual at all and just be naked in the presence of each other. Occasionally on “dares” we would poke and touch each other’s dicks, or I’d grab his cock and jack him off for five seconds at a time (and he would do the same), or jack-off in front of each other, but never cumming. There was plenty else we did that I believe laid the ground work for my bisexuality, but that’s for another blog entry.