Monday, June 21, 2010

"Fantasy" means never having to say you're sorry

by Cane

I will simply begin with the following: It has been a long and deep-seated fantasy of mine to see Jez be completely taken by another man, both when I am present and watching and/or participating... as well as when I am not present at all.

This is
my fantasy. I cannot, morso will not make any apologies for it. I can’t apologize, because it would be like apologizing for the fact that I like mint chocolate-chip ice cream. Or the color blue. Or Jersey Shore. And before you start, YES, it absolutely is the same thing. As far as our personal proclivities, penchants, preferences, predilections, predispositions, partialities, prejudices, and passions go for YOU the individual... you can never, ever make any apologies for what you like and are drawn to, simply because it’s innate. You like what you like and there really doesn’t need-- and a lot of times can’t -- be a deeper explanation.

Sure, I can give cursory reasons: I like the defilement of what ‘should’ be sacred, the humiliation (of possibly him pleasuring her more/better at a psychical level), the sullying of conservatism. I also like the sheer mechanics; the voyeurism-- being right down there watching someone else’s cock pass in and out
my Jez’s pussy. I like the idea of Jez-- a traditional, otherwise vanilla girl-- being taken by 2 men at once, fucked and filled simultaneously... the innocent Southern Baptist preacher’s daughter stuffed with two dicks!... polar-opposite of everything she had been raised to be or believe in! I also just like the simple idea of Jez getting to be multiply stimulated by adding another guy in the mix; I want her to feel what that’s like. And I also just like the idea of the lifestyle-- leading alternative sex-lives and practices outside of (american) tradition.

But none of these reasons explains the deeper WHY; you can only follow the thread of, “But why... but why... but why...” until finally the only sensible answer is left is: “.... god damnit, because I just do...”. And don’t try any arm-chair pop-psychology; this has nothing to do with my childhood, how I was raised, what experiences in my life shaped and set the path for me to come to this fantasy. Sure, maybe there’s a few things in the mix, but at the end of the day, I just like the idea of another man fucking Jez and/or a MMF threesome. And I’m not sorry.

This goes for anyone, anywhere, any time, who has had a fantasy outside of
“I want to put my penis in your vagina”. Wanna be fucked dressed up like a clown? Wanna be spanked&whipped? Wanna be gang-banged by four black cocks at once? Wanna put on your wife’s bra and panties and have her fuck you with strap-on? Wanna be a furry? Wanna be raped? Wanna (if you’re a guy) see what another man’s cock tastes like? Want your ass-licked? Wanna be fisted? Wanna be choked, slapped, hit, and told you’re a whore? Wanna spouse-swap? Wanna fuck in front of a room full of strangers? Wanna seduce your best-friend with your husband? Wanna broadcast your vagina on the internet? Wanna fuck with the shades open? Wanna sit under a glass table and watch your partner poop?.....

...ok, that last one is just gross (like, seriously people, really?).... but fuck,
if that’s what you like, if ANY of those things and countless others vanilla or non-vanilla sexual acts is just “what you’re into”, you cannot, should not, and most importantly DO NOT have to say you’re sorry, because fantasying-- in essence, thinking-- is not a crime, sin, nor wrong. Don’t forget, we’re talking about FANTASY for the moment, not wanting to act on that fantasy (that will come in a second).

A running theme with this blog is ‘open, honest, and full communication’ between Jez and myself. Now, I’m not here to tell others how to conduct their own personal relationships with their partners.... but it’s pretty hard to find faults in “open and honest”. I can pretty confidentially say sharing your fantasies with your partner, no matter what it is, SHOULD alleviate a lot of repression and open up a dialogue where you can have a healthy discussion about your fantasy and whether or not it is something that your partner would like to help you fulfill. And if not, you can both work together to find/seek alternative means and ways of satisfying your fantasy... and even just talking about it is enough. But you can never have that discussion until you open up to your partner... and your partner be open to you.

As the partner hearing the fantasy, short of
“My fantasy is to shoot you in the head with a gun in order to kill you”, it is very important and fair for you to allow your partner to speak their fantasy fully and honestly, and hear them out completely. Create a reassuring atmosphere where they feel safe from snap-judgement, criticism, and most importantly... rejection. It takes courage to broach a fantasy and that needs to be respected. You screwing-up your face and saying, “Jesus Christ, how could you want that!” is only going to cause your partner to retract and hinder any future sexual communication with you, perhaps indefinitely... and that’s almost surely going to lead to problems. Rejecting your partner’s fantasy outright and refusing or being reluctant to an open dialogue about it, sooner or later, will result in your partner seeking to fulfill that fantasy elsewhere. How will they do that? Dunno. Does that mean they’re going to cheat on you? Dunno. Will they resent you? Dunno. But I can say, at some level, they are going to feel ashamed... and why would you want to make your partner ever feel that way?

Your partner’s fantasy may actually hurt you emotionally-- which, if that’s the case, will probably be your snap-reaction. I understand that and you have a right to be hurt, but this is where a continued open/ongoing discussion of the fantasy may help educate you and begin to understand your partner’s desires to a point you will be less hurt, if not alleviated completely. Just remember, you cannot
blame them just for simply having the fantasy, no matter what it is.

However, while the person with the fantasy should not feel they must justify or explain what simply may just be apart of their sexuality.... as the one with the fantasy, refusing to try to help your partner understand, at least the cursory reasons, isn’t going to help much in the department of communication, either. It’s a delicate dance, where both partners have to work together in order to move forward as one (oooh, nice analogy!). So, if you really have a desire to put a chomp-bit in your partner’s mouth and ride them around like a horse... maybe start with why Equus (*not sure what that play is really called) appeals to you so much, at least on the surface.

Now, just as you are entitled to have a fantasy about absolutely anything and be free of shame and rejection.... your partner is entitled NOT to share an interest in that fantasy, nor should ever be made to feel obligated, guilted, or forced into allowing or performing the realization of your fantasy-- this needs to be met with acceptance from your end, without shame or rejection as well. And don’t you dare pull that, “
If you love me, you’ll do this for me” bullshit. Seriously dude, that’s fucking weak.

However, just because you may not share an interest, want, or desire in your partner’s fantasy doesn’t mean their fantasy is going to suddenly “go away” in their mind. This is where open communication between y’all is especially paramount. Setting up or creating an alternative outlet for their fantasy is something I strongly recommend. However, if you absolutely cannot bring yourself to abide their fantasy whatsoever, in any facet, alternative or otherwise... than
the very least you need to say is some form of the following:

“Honey, I love you very much and I’m so grateful you were able to feel comfortable enough to share your fantasy about watching me poop on a glass table. I know it took a lot for you to share this with me and again, I love you for that. But, I don’t feel this is something I can give to you or share with you in any way, at least in the near future. I want you to continue to have your fantasy and I want to continue to be here to love and support you. But for right now, we have to leave it at that.”

Now, chances are, whatever your partner’s fantasy is, you’re either going to be down with it, willing to try/experiment, or at least be able to work together to come up with an alternative that will simulate or come close enough for your partner to be satisfied, while respecting your right to not be obligated to perform said fantasy to the absolute ‘T’. In any event, you need to be 100% supportive and open to at first
listening to your partner’s fantasy, regardless of what it is. Unless it’s having sex with children. Then call the cops. Joking, but it would be wise to encourage them to seek professional counseling. Wow, this just got all dark and serious.

As far as my cuckold/hotwife/MMF threesome fantasy with Jez... I couldn’t have a more perfect, loving, and accepting partner. My fantasy was broached almost within the first month we even KNEW each other. While we’ve lead arguably mostly vanilla, yet completely satisfying sex lives, this fantasy of mine has always been underlying throughout; and while Jez has admitted she had at first been hurt by the fact I’d want to share her, never once did she make me feel faulted for having the fantasy; I can never say she made it something I’ve had to repress, nor had it been something Jez refused to hear-out. Per prior entires, you can track our transparent, open, honest, and educational discussions about it, as well as whether or not we’re actually going to take it to the next level. The fantasy so far has evolved into red-hot IM sessions, dirty talk in bed, and even experimenting
via simulations.

So, ARE we actually going to do it? That’s still to be determined...but what I can say for certain is that I already have had one fantasy come true... and she’s better than I ever could’ve dreamed.

PS: If you don’t get the
cinematic nod in the title of this entry, then you are entirely too young and we despise your youth!


  1. Thanks for sharing Cane. I have my own fantasies about Jane and I, her acceptance and willingness to play along without undo judgment makes fulfillment of those fantasies feasible. You are lucky to have Jez and I hope your fantasies become realty for you.

    Dick of

  2. this is a wicked awesome post and very timely for where i am with my wife and our sexual relationship. its especially nice to read it from a source other then myself as it lends a definite credibility to the overall way of relearning how we respond/react/process information.