Oh my. That's always a tough one. I'm a firm believer that being in a relationship REQUIRES clear and honest communication as well as a determination to listen and truly hear what your partner's needs are. My advice is to be very candid with your partner about your desires and interests. Be sensitive to the fact that she may not share many of your interests, but you may also wind up surprised to hear that she shares a few. Cane thought he was going to disgust me by sharing some of his ... but instead he was met with not only compassion, but a confession of some shared desires. Your partner should care about you and no judge you. It's one thing if they decline to participate in certain acts, but it's another if they make you feel ashamed. No loving partner should ever do that. It's your job to reassure your partner that the vanilla sex you have is also still lovely--because people often hear of darker interests and foolishly assume this means the vanilla stuff isn't any good to you. If you put your needs out there, a partner SHOULD care about them. They may not be able to give you all of it, but they should at least allow you to be yourself in talking about it. Once the door is opened, you may be pleasantly surprised to see how easily your partner walks through it with you. Women especially suffer from being seen as "pure" or "too good" for certain things. But a lot of us are secretly dying to be treated like a nasty little slut in the bedroom.