Monday, July 12, 2010

Savage on Cuckolding

I wouldn't normally repost articles I read on all things sexy... but a recent question in Dan Savage's column caught my attention... and as you read, it'll be obvious why.

Pretty interesting stuff.

My husband of eight years confessed to wanting to watch me with another man. I asked if he meant it. He said yes. I asked if he wanted me to set it up. He said yes. I found a guy, and he agreed to a full STD screening — at my husband's suggestion and our expense — so that we wouldn't have to use condoms.

I was worried about how my husband would feel. But he loved every minute of it — he loved it a little too much.

My husband had sex with me after our "guest" left. I still had our guest's semen inside me. Is my husband gay? Is that what cuckolding is all about? He didn't touch the other guy, but what the fuck? — Spouse Expressing Concern Over Newly Disclosed Sexuality

SAVAGE LOVE"Far from being an indication of homosexuality, your husband's turn-on goes back to the roots of male heterosexual experience," says Christopher Ryan, coauthor of Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality. "Human beings evolved in very intimate groups where sex often involved multiple partners."

Before Ryan walks us through what's so straight about your husband dipping his dick in another man's spunk, SECONDS, let me get this off my chest: Sex at Dawn is the single most important book about human sexuality since Alfred Kinsey unleashed Sexual Behavior in the Human Male on the American public in 1948. Want to understand why men married to supermodels cheat? Why so many marriages are sexless? Why paternity tests often reveal that the "father" isn't? Read Sex at Dawn.

Now back to Ryan:

"Think about it," says Ryan. "Why would women have evolved the capacity for slow-building multiple orgasms while males evolved the orgasmic response of minutemen accompanied by a sudden disappearance of all interest in sex?"

Because — as Ryan and his coauthor Cacilda Jethá lay out in Sex at Dawn — for countless generations, our male and female ancestors, like our closest primate relatives (fuck-mad bonobos), engaged in multipartner sex. Females mated with multiple males, while males — so easily stimulated visually to this day — watched and waited their turn.

"Almost all of us get off on watching other people having sex," says Ryan. "Even if our minds deny it, our bodies respond in many ways, ranging from increased genital blood flow (in both sexes) to stronger male ejaculations."

By inviting another male into your bedroom, SECONDS, your husband — consciously or subconsciously — is inducing what's known as "sperm competition." Watching you have sex with another male made him more excited to have sex with you, not with the other male, and treated him to a more intense orgasm in you, not in the other male.

"So your husband's experience was very heterosexual," says Ryan.

I'll go further: Your husband's experience was the original heterosexual experience.


  1. I totally agree with Savage. My wife and I started swinging and have evolved into Poly. I love to be with her after she has been with her BFs, and it has nothing to do with them. It has everything to do with how sexy she is after being fucked. Amazing.

  2. Although the argument does make sense this time, I'm geting very bored of people trying to explain modern live behauvior with their theory about how things - according to them - have been when we used to live in caves. If you ask me, cultural impressions are complex enough to explain almost everything we do. And of course nobody nows what would happen in its absence...